Heyy, my name's Sophie, I'm 16, and I'm bisexual. I am yet to come out to anyone except randomers online, but I want to come out, so I'm making this as a diary of my coming out, about how I feel and how I go about it, partly to help me, partly to help other people going through the same thing.
I was 12 when I first questioned my sexuality. Before, I'd always just taken it as a given that girls liked guys and vice versa, because that's what you're taught as you grow up, and was what was expected of me. But when I was 12, I suddenly felt... I don't know, curious about girls, if that's the right way to say it? I read in magazines that it was normal to feel that way when you were going through puberty, so I took it as that being the reason behind it - besides, I knew for sure I liked guys, so I was straight, right?
So, a couple of years went by, I had a couple of boyfriends, and they felt completely natural, but the strange feeling about girls kept niggling. I never felt like I fancied any girls though, I was different... particularly with pictures of girls. I'd look at their boobs, but feel guilty afterwards because that wasn't what I was supposed to do. I was straight, straight girls didn't do that. Then I heard about bisexuality (I met someone who was bisexual, though I didn't fancy her). It made more sense - being able to like guys AND girls at the same time, and not necessarily the same amount. I still didn't identify myself as being bisexual though - I was still confused, especially as I didn't fancy this girl. Of course, I now realise how stupid it was to think this - I've never fancied every straight guy I've met, so why should I fancy a bisexual girl simply because of the fact she's bisexual?
It wasn't until I was 15 that things changed. I had a sudden urge to kiss one of my girl friends. I'd never felt this way before towards a girl, and it scared me a little. All of a sudden, I'd gone from simply looking at pictures of girls to wanting to have physical contact of a... well, more sexual nature than I'd previously had, although kissing isn't particularly sexual. I continued to feel this way, even when I started to fancy another guy - this girl was always niggling in the back of my mind. I also met another girl who was bisexual, and even though I never fancied her, I still felt like I would have liked to kiss her (most people can relate to this, whatever your sexuality!!). Also, I would look at pictures of girls and think, whoaaa, I would, and it's what I do automatically - it's like what I was thinking before but felt too guilty to admit I like it. I started to come to terms with the fact that I WAS more interested in girls than I would be if I was straight, and this September, I identified myself as bisexual.
However, my feelings for my friend have continued to grow, and I still like her as much more than a friend. This is currently extremely confusing for me, as she's the only straight girl I've ever met who I've had feelings of any strength for in that way (besides pictures of girls I've never met, but let's exclude that xD). This has led me to think that maybe, she's not straight either, but I feel guilty for thinking this - who am I to decide someone else's sexuality? Hell, I didn't even have control over my own! But still, I have wondered this, particularly as a mutual friend of ours has seriously asked us if we're having a gay relationship behind her back... so idk.
So that's me! And I'm going to continue this as I continue my journey of coming out... and who knows, maybe I'll even get with the girl? ;)
